Do you ever have those moments? You know the ones that can last just a few minutes, or a few hours, or a few days, maybe even a few weeks, or possibly years where you sort of forget who you are. For me, I recently experienced that feeling, it lasted a short while a few days where things just seemd out of sorts, confused.
I know a lot of it was just timing. Where I'm at mentally & emotionally, the weather being so cold recently, the unknowing and uncertainty of so many things, it just got to me. I had a moment where everything got to me, deep into me and I felt it. I had to pull myself out of it. I called on my mother, my friends and my husband to listen and help me process.
Yesterday I realized that I felt afloat and was needing grounding. The sun was shining today and I figured that there wasn't a better way to get grounding than to play in the dirt.
The house we are renting has a small garden area with pre-existing beds simply in need of a little TLC. Even though the future is not set Ian and I gathered some tools and went out to weed and prepare the bed that is already fitted with hoops for a plastic covering.
We took turns raking and forking and pulling weeds. We saw earthworms, and centipedes, and found sea shells and snail shells. We built up the brush pile and Tonka truck bulldozer even made a special visit towards the end of the work project.
After we finished working, and my fingernails were caked with rich soil and the freshly turned earth smell invaded my olfactory I felt alive. I remembered deep inside who I am. Who I want my boy to remember me as. That I often smell of cinnamon, jasmine, and spanish amber. That I love and miss working the land and growing food and harvesting and preparing. I love the sunrise and sunset and the colors as they splash across the sky. I smile everyday as I lay awake in bed and hear songbirds outside my window.
Tomorrow I will plant greens and lettuce.
I am glad to be.